I need sleep

A sleep study. When is the test?

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Approx. 5 minute read

It was suggested back in 2007 that I should have a sleep study after I found out I was diabetic in quite dramatic fashion. My Pulmonologist suggested I get a sleep study after I was released.

This is where I note that I am quite stubborn as it seems many of Norse descent are.

I didn’t understand why I would need one since I am not a huge snorer.

Fast forward all these years later and I have to go through a sleep study in preparation for getting a Gastric Bypass.

I signed up and showed up. My wife who had just gone through the process explained what to expect and how it goes down.

I don’t sleep easily

I do not sleep well
I don”t sleep well

I showed up with just me and my melatonin. I’ve been working with my primary care to get off Ambien so I am not dependent on it to remove all the long term effects that can be introduced.

I substituted a nightly 10mg CBD dosage. Getting ready for Gastric Bypass, I decided I should try to wean myself off of this also. I don’t know what I don’t know, but I know I better prepare myself to go into this as easy as possible. I still have gummies on standby in the case I still need it.

So It is just me and my 12mg of melatonin for the night.

Check in

I showed up and rang the night bell for 7 pm. I was received and led to my overnight accommodation, a room with 2 nightstands, a Murphy bed folded out, a couple of reception chairs for sitting in and a device with wires I let myself ignore.

Shortly after I arrive, Erin arrives to explain what will happen for the night. She lets me know that she will be back in a bit after I have taken off my shoes and make sure I am dressed in sleep pants and a shirt. She leaves me alone to prepare.

I had already dressed ready for bed, so I slide off my shoes and socks. I get myself comfortable and pull out my laptop to put a bit of structure for a new reporting project I am trying out. I click on the TV. Game of Games is on with a contestant having slime explode on themselves.

Erin returns to get me hooked up. She reminds me another will be showing up at 9 pm so she will be busy. 10pm is lights out and all tech will be turned off.

I slide wires down the legs of my pants. These watch my leg movements. Straps are ran around my waist and my chest to watch respirations and other movements.

Sticky connectors are now attached on my neck front and back, my chest, my legs, and sticky stuff holds electrodes to my scalp.

Darren all wired up

After Erin leaves I shoot my picture of iCyborg. A device with a mass of wires rests on my chest, connected by a strap around my neck. This allows me to get up and move around the room while I await.

I realize I have forgotten my reading material so I continue with two more sitcoms on NBC with Tracee Ellis Ross and Anthony Anderson. Good shows. I cut the cord so I don’t know TV schedule like I use to know it. 9pm came so I take my melatonin. I want to get as ready as possible for tech off.

10pm rolls up and I climb into bed, surprisingly ready to go to sleep.

“Are you ready for lights out?”


Erin comes with bright lights streaming in behind her.

She checks the connections and adjusts a couple of them on my chin and on my head. She sets the device with all the wires on the bed and then slips out the door.

I lay on my back. I’m told they need to have some readings from my back so they can get the data of how I sleep in that position.

Am I asleep?
I dont feel like I have really slept

I feel like I am just drowsing. My feet are hanging off the end of the bed and the cord that runs around the edge of the mattress digs into my heel.

Then it happens. My right knee tighten up. I can’t get comfortable.

I try to ignore it and go back to sleep. It’s not happening. I hold my knee and bend my leg. I do this repeatedly and then it cracks. Sweet release. I have to do this a couple more times.

A detached voice comes out of the darkness.

“If you want, you can sleep on your side. We have the data we need.”

Thumbs up.

I eventually roll to my side, an effort made more difficult by my newly acquired cyborg accoutrement.

I never feel like I really sleep. I just keep trying to get my legs comfortable. My feet are feeling the chill now hanging a good 8 to 12 inches off the bed.

About 1:30am the disembodied voice returns from out of the darkness.

“Darren. We are going to come in and hook you up to a CPAP machine. We have all the data we need.”

Getting a C Pap hook up in the middle of my study.
Joining the Bedtime Pachyderm tribe

The door opens and the light of false daylight streams into my eyes, Erin’s figure silhouetted against the light. She sets up the C Pap machine with the hose and hooks up the nasal pillow over my head.

“These are the wrong size, we are going to put a smaller size on.”

I lay there and they put it back over my head.

“This will work well for you. Sleep good.”

Erin leaves the room. I make sure to keep my mouth shut, one of the instructions she leaves me with, along with making sure to pull the hoses apart at this one juncture.

I adjust the hose slightly.

I feel like I am sleeping lightly. I roll to my back for a bit. I roll back to my side after a bit of sleep.

I get a little restless. I open my eyes a little. It is pitch black. It must be about 3 or 4am.

“Hey Darren. Good morning. It is a little after 6am. I need to come in and disconnect you,” the voice in the dark says.

Erin lets me know I did much better after the machine was on. I felt much better, for sure.

I fill out her morning survey to round out the one the night prior. I collect my stuff and head off into the brisk morning air. The moisture on the car frosts over after wiping. Defrost turns on and off to home I go.


As it turns out, I should have listened to my Pulmonologist back in 2007. He knew what he was talking about, and I didn’t listen, which is rather unlike me.

My wife showed up to meet with my sleep doc and tells him it sounds like I am going to be getting a C Pap. He looks me up and comments about how I am one of the special cases they needed to hook up the same night.

I have an appointment to meet with him this Thursday. Strange as it sounds, I am looking forward to my new nocturnal pachyderm life. I do hope this moves me away from my insomniac night life.

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